We had donuts in the office today at work. As we were finishing up the event, which is why there were donuts in the first place. I found myself indulging in the delectable sugary treat. I stared at the donut for several seconds before I made the decision to eat it anyways despite what I am trying to do. I am trying to make better decisions when it comes to my body, and treating it as the temple God has made it. As I have been slowly changing bit by bit over the past month. I realized something this evening when I was reflecting on the day. More often than not, I would have grabbed that donut without thinking about it. This time around I found myself staring at the thing before I admirably said yes I want the donut, and decided to indulge. I don’t believe it is a bad thing to treat yourself every now and again. However, I looked at the donut and for the first time it was a decision made with complete awareness as to what I was doing. I was choosing to eat an item full of sugar. Not only that, but when I made this choice I knew and even thought about what it would potential do to make my organs work harder to get rid of the excess sugar. I am not angry at myself for doing what I did. It was a choice I had been faced with and a choice I made which did not serve my best self. Before this journey I would have beaten myself up about this choice after the fact.
The very act of being aware of my decision, being completely conscious, is what astounds me. In the past I have often made decisions based out of habit, most of these I was not always aware of. Let’s be honest, donuts taste good. Most people grab them from the counter in the office not necessarily because they really want the donut but because they are there. The past experience of the donut having tasted good before drives them to reach for and eat the donut when it is placed in front of them. Even when they are not aware of the decision they are really making.
I have made many different decisions in my life, and often I have not been aware that I am making them. It was my past experience which drove me to repeat the same decision in the first place. Which is probably why for years I kept making the same kind of life decisions expecting different results, but that is not what happens when you choose the same things over and over. Instead you get the same results. It’s just plain insanity. I feel as I walk through this 70 day commitment to press into the Lord and change the way I make my daily choices, I can see clearer than before. It’s as if I have been walking with rose colored glasses, unaware of the true color of things. Step by step God is transforming the glass in my eye wear; painting a better picture before me. The colors are becoming more true to the hue.
Next time I am aware of a decision before me, like grabbing a donut off the office counter. I hope and pray I will see the cause my decision may have. And hopefully this will allow me to take a new path. Allow me to make a new type of decision. I will choose to not eat the donut, not because I don’t think it won’t taste good. Instead because eating that donut does not serve my greater purpose. And the plans God has for me because of the greater purpose.