Oaks Of Splendor

Sharing My Life's Story And Things That Inspire Me

Tag Archives: prayer


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Transformed by the Potter’s Hand #Poetry

 

Glory will be exalted as the transformation takes shape, 

Preparing for who I have made you to be. 

I mold you on the potter’s wheel,

as it turns the cold subtle clay from soft to strong. 

It becomes something unrecognizable,

Transformed in a kiln of fire burning- 

as bright as the hottest star in the universe. 

I wait for the moments when you come to me,

Loving me as I have first Loved you.

You are my greatest creation.

That is why I made you in my image. 

To know more completely. 

You are my bride who says “I do”

Take up my cross and follow me,

For I am beyond what your mind can comprehend.

I have more wonder-

than the air you breath. 

Come let me Transform you. 

 

 

 

Jeremiah 18:6   He said, “Can I not do with you, Israel, as this potter does?” declares the Lord. “Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, Israel.

1 Peter 5:6- 7   Humble yourselves, therefore, under Godʼs mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

 

 


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A Poem: The Unknown Wind

I run wild through the forest,
Wild like the ribbon forgotten-
from the tail of a kite.
I sail wild like a creature born to run-
over the forest floor,
A wolf among sheep. 
I can not keep still.
I must roam to feel the wind
upon the flesh of my being.
The untimely innocence- chases me,
Through a burning flame of desire.
Desire to be WILD- flying in the breeze,
Never Seen. Only Heard, only Known. 

 


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1 Timothy 4:4

1 Timothy 4:4  Since everything God created is good, we should not reject any of it but receive it with thanks. 

 

I think about what we see as good and bad. What makes something good? How do we define the word good? The word “good” can be an adjective used to describe, it can be a noun, or it can be an adverb. Good as an adjective means either to be desired or approved of, it also means having the qualities for a particular role. Good as a noun simply means that which is morally right, benefit or advantage to someone or something. Good as an adverb, the expression of relation, it means well. If a thing then therefore is desired and approved of , then it must be therefore good. In this sense a flat tire can be good. What if the flat tire we got in the morning caused us to be late, and because we were late we missed being in an accident that could’ve happened had we been on time. If we knew that this would have happened then we could all agree the flat tire was a good thing not bad. It is relevant to the perspective of the event then. Of course we can’t see into our own future and know the outcome of what might of happened if something else hadn’t of happened. Instead we see the flat tire as bad because we are then late for work and because the world says being late is bad it must be so. Can we be grateful for the things in our lives we do not want. If we are grateful for it even though we do not like it, we could still call that which we do not like good. It’s a simple verse, and very straight to the point. It is a reminder of how great God truly is. To create everything good. Yet, it is our exceptance of everything in gratefulness which shows us God is good all the time, and all the time God is good.


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The Root of Understanding

Like there is a river that runs into the sea, or the flower that blooms on the tree later to transform into a leaf, as the one leaf becomes many. There is you and there is me sharing this blog. I ask who are you the reader? I can not know you directly unless you introduce yourself in a message or email. But even in that do I ‘know’ you? So instead, you are who I imagine you to be, the person I imagine that I am writing to. You are tall and have blue eyes, or you are short with brown eyes. Both descriptions could describe the person on the other side of the screen that is right now reading what I have written. Maybe you are not these physical descriptions at the same time but in equal parts of my imagination you are all descriptive adjectives.

You are ‘every man’. Not to say you have to be a man, I myself am a woman. However, I too am ‘every man’. I like you have fears, even if those fears seem to be different. That which we identify as fear is still fear whether it is of a spider or rejection. I like you have hopes, hope that traces through the very center of who I define myself to be.

Some time ago I was sitting in my room alone, much like I am now. I was writing in a journal while listening to music. I find that my greatest moments of inspiration come from music and the lyrics artist write. I find inspiration from others, but also from God. I have been trying to hear God more clearly in the past years of my journey. I feel like I have gotten better at this, not perfect though. During the night mentioned before, I was also reading scripture trying to understand the direction that God wanted me to take. I have more clarity now but still I find that the answer is not as clear as I would want. Or maybe I am just not receiving it as clearly. I don’t know, but I am ok with the unknown.

I use to have so many plans of my own. Plans that were mapped out to what I believed would bring me my greatest joy. Like you who are reading these words, the things I wanted and planned did not turn out as expected. Nor did they even happen. In my youth I used to believe that someday I would be a great performer on broadway, then once in college after realizing that I suffered from stage fright. I dreamt that I would be a great lighting designer on broadway. I went as far as going into one of the top-level lighting design programs in the country. I had applied twice to the same program, because they only accepted two people a year. I know that I had talent, and I still know this. I even had passion for what I dreamt of achieving. The problem came though once I had walked through the door of accomplishing my goal of getting into graduate school. Have you ever desired something some much that it ached through your bones? The day I received the acceptance letter was one of the happiest days. I literally jumped for joy. My mom heard me yelling and thought something was wrong, I couldn’t even get the words out at first because I had lost my breath. I was happy crying uncontrollably. Finally the words “I got in” sprung forth with such force that laughter replaced the tears.  The year changed me. I learned a lot about lighting design. I also learned a more important life lesson, one I never planned. Life lessons are like that though, always unplanned. I came to realize the plan I had for my life was not who I was. The direction I had been swimming towards, no longer defined who I wanted to be. Nor who I was intended to be. It was a hard lesson to realize. I kept struggling through the program, not because I lacked the talent. Maybe I lacked the experience, but that is the least of the source. I achieved a goal I had worked so hard for. However, once I stepped through the door of achievement the image I saw was not me. It was instead the imagined me I had used as the adjective to define myself. I still love the things I used to dream of, and it will always hold a place inside me. The fact remains that while I was trying to define myself as theatre lighting designer, I didn’t leave room for anything else. I am so much more than one adjective. You are so much more than blue-eyed or brown-eyed.  You and I are alike because underneath it all we have the same desires.

The nights I sit in my room alone to write I find honesty in my continued evolution. I like most have been shaped by my experiences. These experiences at the core are the same as yours. They are the roots that help us understand our lives and its purpose. The root of my life has given me an understanding that LOVE is the purpose of life.

1 Corinthians 8:3 But whoever loves God is known by God. 

1 John 4:8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is Love. 

 

 

 

 


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Escaping the Ways of Perception Using A Tool for Stillness

Isaiah 12:6  Let all the people of Jerusalem shout his praise with joy! For great is the Holy One of Israel who lives among us. 

God is with you and me in this moment. He sits beside us ready to hold a hand if you reach for him. We all struggle with the ways of perception this world puts in front of us. I believe that just as I have been inspired to write these words, you have come to them because God has lead you here. I know struggle.It may not be the exact same struggle you are facing in this moment, but I assure you that I too have struggled. I could tell you the story of growing up with a drug addicted father who hit my mother. I can share how I have dealt with the fear of abandonment. I could go into details of how the father I barely knew passed away from cancer at the age of forty-seven. I can tell you about the whole I felt in my heart for years because of his death. Yes, I could share pages and chapters about my struggles. Today I am not here for that. I am writing to take you along as I journey. I am on a shift of who I know I am, to who is my higher self. I step forward in order to know the God of Israel who lives among us. I started briefly before this moment, not only by everything I learned through each struggle, but also through discovering the tool of meditation. Yes, I used to be so scatter-brained with the this and that of daily life. I discovered however that when you focus on the ability to be still, you can find clarity. Every time I meditate, I think of being still to know God. I know too often meditation is viewed as an eastern philosophy. However, I find truth in knowing meditation is not a philosophy at all. Rather it is a tool. It has been mostly practiced among buddhists, and these days by new age practitioners. Yet, I have come to view the practice of meditation as a way to hear God more clearly. The best metaphor I ever heard about hearing God is this…. God’s voice is like that of a radio wave. It is out there even though we can not see it. We are the clock radio, the receive, and like a radio we have an antenna. Sometimes our antenna may be bent, so we do not hear the radio frequency so clearly. Have you ever experience picking up two radio stations at the same time? Our receiving end of the radio can do this too. If we only straighten our antenna, or point it in a new direction…..then we can start picking up the signal God is sending to us. It sometimes takes a tool to straighten the antenna. For me that tool has been meditation. Unlike the eastern practice of meditation I don’t look within myself, instead I look for God in the stillness. We can both find him there among us.

I challenge you to take fifteen minutes a day to “Be still and Know God”. I promise you whatever struggle you are facing now, God will guide you through. He’s GOOD like that. God will fill you with peace if you are still enough, and open enough to feel his love. I encourage you to also ask yourself “Do I believe stillness can bring me peace?”  Then give thanks for the tool of meditation. And read the rest of Isaiah 12.

Meditation Tip: I usually will play praise and worship music (or it can be a calming noise or piece of classical music), whatever you find the most relaxing. The point is to stand in stillness. I will concentrate on my breathe at first like most eastern practices suggest. This is only to quiet my mind, get out the noise of the world. The difference then is when I concentrate on God’s love and allow it to fill me with each breath. I find the peace, and listen. 

 


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Countdown to Thanksgiving Day 2: What Attitude Can Teach You About Thanksgiving

Our daily lives we walk through each day and are affected by the attitude we have. I sure know that if I wake up in the morning and stub my toe on the corner of the dresser, than you might just find me going through the day with an attitude that its such a bad day. And as I continue to be , lets just say a grouch, I will find that each experience I have starts to become worst that the one before. I am pretty sure you know what I am talking about. If not then there is a great children’s book called Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. When I was a kid, and my mom first read this book to me I knew exactly how Alexander felt. I could relate, and even then I knew in some small way that it was his attitude that really shaped how he experienced the day. These past few years God has kept reminding me about this lesson. It is easy to get caught up on the bum toe that hurts as you walk. It is easy to get caught up in the problems you have in your marriage or even with your job. I know that sometimes we find ourselves only focusing on one thing that is bringing us misery. that thing in our life that we don’t want at all. You lose your job and find yourself depressed because you feel useless. Money problems happen and something needs fixed unexpectedly, so you get angry. You begin to ask yourself why in as much self-pity as you can muster. The day that is filled with sunshine only seems cloudy.

I think that is why I really love Thanksgiving as a holiday. It literally forces you to stop and think about the things you are grateful for instead of the things that are hard to handle and make the sky seem grey. I was reminded recently by one f my favorite poets Maya Angelou that “God puts rainbow in the clouds”. I believe this is so true, but sometimes when your attitude about what is only sees the grey you can’t really find the rainbow. I am sure it is there and once you step out of the situation and look back to the time you end up seeing the good that came out of the bad situation. I threw a rotten banana onto the floor once only to slip. I loved Chris but things had not been going well for some time, but all I could see was that I loved him and I didn’t want to let go. Then when things really were over and I was dealing with the fact that I still had to live with him for six more months until our lease was over. I could only have an attitude of anger and grief. I wanted to hurt him the way he kept hurting me, so I got into his face one day and pissed him off. I never seen him so angry in the few years I had known him. He just kept telling me to leave him alone, but I could not I was tired of being walked over so I just kept yelling back. He got so angry that he couldn’t control it any more so he picked up the desk chair and threw it on the floor. I had never pushed any one to the brink like that. It wasn’t like I was hurt or anything but I was sure scared. I threw that banana onto the floor with my attitude and it made not only me loose my own self control but his too. We both fell, not in an actual way tell you but in a way that somehow tarnished any kindness that was left between us. We didn’t speak much after that before we moved out a month later. I regret that the attitude I had could cause such anger and bitterness. As hard as things had been up to that point, at least there always remained a hope between both of us that someday we could be friends. And the broken chair that had to be taken to the dumpster was really just the last bit of love that cindered in our hearts for what was.

God kept telling me through scripture and sermons, and even songs that to find true Thanksgiving in our lives we must first shift our attitude about the things we do not want.  Psalm 3:3 But you, Lord, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high. If we allow the lord to lift our heads high to truly see what we can not when our attitudes do not allow it, then we can find the sun shinning and the clouds will disappear.  That is the lesson in thanksgiving that he continues to remind me of each day.

Romans 15   5 May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, 6 so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. 7 Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.


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Isaiah 61:3 – A hopeful prayer to pivot into the Lord’s favor.

Today is a turning point for the nation. The election will determine the shape of the country for the next four years. As I think about this, I then ask myself…What do I want the shape of my life to be for the next four years. I too am standing at a pivoting point where my next decision will shape the course of my future. I never thought that I would leave Boston and move back to West Virginia. Never did I want to be living at my mother’s house again. I was in this place six years ago before I moved to Boston. It was right after I got injured at work and got placed on workers comp. That was a waiting time too. The big difference though is this time around, my heart is different.

In 2008 when I was forced to rely on living with my mother, I was not only injured physically but I was still hurt from the failure I felt from the decision I made to move to California where I was injured on the job. I believed that it was my fault that such a thing would happen to me. I believed that somehow I had asked for that latter to fall on my head, causing trauma to my neck. I had asked to be injured. I felt like going to California was the worst decision I had ever made. I was so angry at myself. I did not know how to deal with it. So, I let myself sink into a deep depression. This was only compounded by the headache I had non-stop for over a year, and the pain and soreness I had in my neck and shoulders. I was wasting my days away sleeping all the time, living each day in my dreams and fantasies I would create in my head about all the things I would have when…. when I was _____ fill in blank with whatever I desired that day. I was living for the grass being greener on the other side. I was wallowing in my misery.  I allowed the fantasies that I created to hold me, not caring how crazy they were. It did not matter, it was my only source of happiness. Those few hours before bed when I got to imagine my life anyway that I wanted. Then I would wake up and reality would set in. I would imagine that I could live an extraordinary life, but never take time to create it in my reality.

Since I have been back living in West Virginia, things have gotten to the point where I started dreaming again like before. But its different somehow. I have often fantasized when my life is not how I want it to be. It is easy to imagine a story of extraordinary measures, but it is difficult to live one. So often people settle instead of take action towards a reality of extraordinary.

My heart wants more than anything to live an extraordinary life. There are so many things that I would love to do in my life. I want to travel, and I want to help others. I would love to have a book published. I want to be the best version of myself I can be. The person Gog has made me to be. I have often found myself only living for the imaginative. I want to start living for the reality that I know I can create with the love of Jesus.

I am a person who spent so many years focused on one goal. And six years ago I realized that it’s OK to let goals be fluid like the changing river! The river shapes the landscape, it cuts through rocks and opens up valleys to create beauty and wonder. I wast to start re-shaping my own landscape. Not because circumstances have forced me to make a decision, and then wallow into the effect of that decision. A decision that feels forced upon me. I want to live tomorrow for the grace that opens the blind eyes to see.

The biggest difference now versus last time I found myself in this pivot point, well that difference is I have found healing water. This past summer I was re-baptized in an actual river. Yes, I had been baptized as an infant but it was not my decision. I stood before God and asked for him to transform me. He has been changing me ever since, forcing me to dive deep into the inner depths of myself. Asking me to evaluate and examine the things that NO longer serve me. Those old habits that have not worked in making my light shine.

Living my life through some imaginary world I create in my mind before bed because my reality is nothing that I want or ask for; this does not serve the new me that I want to be. All it does is make me stuck in false lies and disillusions. So because I want to shape my landscape, I know that I can change this old habit. This old comfort which helped me escape moments in my life that were too challenging to handle.

One of the other challenges that I often avoid relates to my own health. I know that I want to change this, but part of me feels unready. Maybe I should focus on a few things at a time. Yet, a yearning boils inside to be radical and stop thinking about it. I know a time will come when this still small voice will become to loud to ignore. I want to excercise everyday, and I know that it is what you are supposed to do to be health. I find it challenging, and I am a person who has often taken the easy way out because that’s what I am used to. It was how I learned to survive my own life of self misery. I didn’t know any better though, that is how my mother learned to deal with the things in her life that she found to difficult. Now that I know better, I can do better. I so want to do better. I want to break this chain that holds me. Oh, Lord take this burden and transform it. I know that you took my yoke when I said yes. I rise to find the gratitude that I no longer have to live in my self-created imaginary world, which I used to use to escape. I used to use it to escape the problems and challenges that I had no control over. The things that were simply because. The things I did not want but was too afraid to ask for you Lord to change the landscape.

Prayer:

Lord, change my landscape, and give me the wisdom to follow your river. The light shines upon the shores of your beauty, and the joy that floods to create rich soil for my growth. Growth towards who not only I want to be, but who you made me to be. You have me in this place where I learned the things that do not serve me, so that you can change the landscape. You brought me to this place that has so many memories of the darkness, so that I no longer fear letting my light shine. Let it shine for the splendor of your righteousness.