Starting this Friday I am going to try and commit to sharing more of my poetry. SInce it seems like my poems get the most likes of all my posts. I am going to start with a series of Poems I am entitling “Before I Found the Light”. The are poems when I was suffering in pain and turmoil with depression, before I was re-baptized last summer. I was baptized as an infant when I was a child, but last year 2016. I walked into a river in Texas and choose to declare giving my life over to the Light of the world. It was then I was reborn. Over the next 10 weeks I am going to share some of these poems ever Poetry Friday. I figure it’s a good way to end the working week. First Poem is the answer to a poem I shared before. the one I wrote at the age 18 about who I am. Or who I thought I was at the age of 18. I am including both to show the transition that occurred. I wrote the first in at 18 and the second when I was 22 years old.
My 18 Year Old Self
I am trapped in myself.
Yearning to be set free,
captured by my own inner turmoil of self discovery.
My life moves outside the bubble
of inflicted learning, of self realism.
I cry to move.
Holding on just a moment longer.
Let go I say,
so I may be able to dance to a new me,
sing of the awakening,
think about tomorrow.
For it is then,
I shall be set free.
My 22 Year Old Self
I was once trapped in myself,
Now I am set free-
Free to my own self-discovery,
Enlightened to move into my own self realistic thought,
Over the past year God has been taking my life and transforming it. I had stood at #WMCONF (World Mandate Conference) in 2016, and heard his call for me to Go. By the end of the weekend I had wholeheartedly said yes to GO where God was leading me. I had spent most of my life believing in Jesus. I had even felt the presence of the lord numerous times throughout my lifetime. However, I had never been washed by the spirit, in a way were the only thing left for my life was radical transformation.
I had been spending my life on a journey, where I desired things to be different. I lived in a state where my life would be better when….. this or that happened. I was always looking for grass to be greener on the other side of whatever I imagined to be the reason why I wasn’t happy. Yet, I could never get to where I wanted to be, or where I imagined I should be. I had many goals and expectations about my life, and I studied different tools I could utilize to make changes. I claimed that I wanted to be healthier, but I continued to make unhealthy decisions. I made excuses for myself, and for others. I even went so far as to use my unhealthy habits as a crutch, for why I was not who I wanted to be.
I made radical changes here and there. I even ended up losing about 60 pounds of weight five years ago, only to revert to the old habits which I was so familiar with. I dropped down from a size 14 to a size 6, which is the smallest size I had ever been in my adult life. Then life happened, and the habits I had tried changing on my own had slowly creeped back into my daily routine. I regained the weight, and now five years later I am a size 14 again. Some radical changes have stuck around, and I wouldn’t say that I eat to unhealthy. I became a vegetarian some ten years ago, and five years ago I dove into being a better version of the vegetarian I had become. The one thing I learned is you can be a vegetarian , and still have a poor diet. A diet of pizza and other junk foods, can be vegetarian friendly. However , they are not healthy choices.
Over these past few months I have come to realize one of my biggest lessons; you can not continue to do the same thing over and over again and expect things to change. This is insanity. To do the same thing and expect different results. Instead of trying to change my way, I have decided to allow the Lord to blow me where he will. Allowing him to transform the deepest parts of my own identity. I now see this as the path to becoming who God has made me to be.
Since I moved back home six months ago, I have been exploring how God can further transform my life. After much prayer and thought on the subject I am embarking on my maiden voyage. A journey into living a love filled life. The idea of the 70 for 70 project came a few months back when I was spending time with God. I was waiting on him to give me some direction, and so I heard him tell me to wait 70 days for clarity. I waited, and on the 18th of December as I was flying to Texas to spend Christmas at my brother’s house I had a dream. I was in flight and I dreamt the Lord’s hand was under the plane as we flew. I woke to a sense of assurance, knowing the Lord was with me in every aspect of my journey. I realized because the lord was with me, I could continue to see radical transformation. Unlike the changes I had experienced before, this time would be different. Instead of trying to change my life on my own, I would now allow the Lord’s love and grace to change me from my roots up. I would begin with a foundation. I would build the foundation on the rock, like the wiseman.
Matthew 7;24- 27 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”
How will I begin to build my foundation, one day at a time. If you take 70 days, it can transform into 70 more days, or 70 weeks. Then 70 weeks can become 70 months, and 70 months become 70 years. 70 years becomes a lifetime of living a love filled life, one stone at a time.
I have spent a lot of time up to this point going through my shakedown, or period of testing before the first voyage. As I prepared to set sail into a transformed life, I started with the word “Yes”. I said yes to allowing God to lead me beyond the borders. I desire to wander farther than my feet can travel. I know when i am tired he will carry me. When storms approach, he will calm the waters. All I need is faith in his unending love. A love which moves mountains, it carves out canyons, and transforms a single drop of water into vast oceans. A love as Bob Goff puts it, love does.
My body is worthy of being his temple, washed in the holy spirit. For the first 70 days, I will begin to make healthy choices which reflect treating my body as hs temple. I will allow the word to transform the body.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 “Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”